Stuff that works: Lawnmower madness that’ll make your grass happy

Getting ready to buy a lawnmower? Read this. From lawn nuts to guys who just want the green stuff shorter than it was before, here’s some stuff to know before you mow.

Push It Real Good. For most mows, I like a simple, well-built push-mower. No lasers. No internet connection. No transmission like I’d find in a Volvo.

And who’s kidding whom: The aerodynamic fairing over the motor? Not as key feature on my list. The point it…

…Features that sound car-like may be more pain in the a++ than benefit. For example, on many a ‘self-propelled’ lawnmower I’ve sampled you can never fully disengage the propulsion (the drive belts and pulleys create friction even when the warp drive is disengaged from the dilithium crystals), so free-wheeling in and out of little spaces is a chafe. Some lawns are OK for self-propelled. Some not. Don’t buy what you don’t need because it looks like it might help.

For a push-mower (they call them ‘walk-behind’) to be worth its salt—propelled or not—it has to do three things: Mulch, side-discharge and rear bag, all three of which I use at different times of the year. Where the matter/anti-matter tech does come in for me is under the hood. I’ve used a Troy-Bilt walk-behind for example and it is ridiculously easy to start. Plus, it only costs about $200.

We Ride.  If you’ve got ground to cover, think heavy iron like the John Deere x-300 tractor. It’s not the cheapest ride at the store, but this lawnmower is quiet (not so with cheaper units that’ll rattle the enamel off your teeth) and it’s easy to operate. And when you get a tractor you can also get the attachments that make some of the more expensive aspects of lawn care (aeration, thatching, etc.) more affordable because you can rock it yourself instead of hiring someone. Seriously, some attachments may pay for themselves in one use. Others, two or three. The point is: You can save money—lots of it—over time.

Ballpark Badass. Love the way the ballpark outfield looks? Disappointed your mower doesn’t leave your lawn the same way? Reason is, you don’t have a lawn roller. The secret to the stripes is that the groundskeepers ‘roll’ the lawn when they mow it. This bends the grass down and light reflects off each row differently giving the illusion of stripes. You can also mow circles, squiggles, whatever you want. One thing though: The lawn roller I’ve used—and like—requires light and distance, it would seem, for it to all work. Small, shady lawns without the right viewing angle may not show well on game day.

Know Go. Gadgets and gear only take you so far. Just like tools only help you build things, your lawnmower can’t make your grass green. It can only help make it that way. So mow regularly. Don’t scalp it. And it can’t hurt to have a little friendly competition to inspire you along the way, as I do with a nemesis-worthy adversary: This Old House’s Kevin O’Connor and our annual #GameOfLawns — Hope you’ll join in.